Sigh

I have soo much to update before so I can print off my blog for my book. I am having a hard time getting motivated to update the past events. Especially after the latest. I feel like with my mood all I am going to end up posting is negative or depressing. Its been quite a year and I am trying my hardest to get through these last few weeks of 2011. I have little motivation for anything including work. (And my Job is my second most important thing to me) Its hard to be motivated with the second most important thing to me when I feel like I am losing my first: Family/Friends.

Everyone keeps saying how strong I am and how I can get through it. But I dont feel strong, I feel numb. I feel like I am putting on a show trying to be normal around everyone else and at work and then I go home back to my room and pup feeling like I cant breath again. I may be getting through it but I dont feel like I can ever be me again, and that scares me. Apart of me misses it and wants it back but at the same time I dont feel like I care any more. Or I dont want to care any more it hurts too much. I have another very very difficult post to write and this one is going to be the hardest yet. I am hoping to have it by the end of the week. Maybe ill do it on the one month mark for the 17th. Who knows.

Anyways Ill be fine I always am, all it takes is time right? Well watch for the next updates, I will try my hardest to keep all but the dreaded one as upbeat as possible. :)

Jade Louise Designs: Roses for Rachel, a Story of Remembrance, a Tribut...

Jade Louise Designs: Roses for Rachel, a Story of Remembrance, a Tribut...: This has been one of the hardest posts to write. Therapeutic--yes, but still very hard as the pain is still so fresh, and the topic so nea...

Horrible couple of days...

So..... My tummy is definatly not feeling very well and not because I am physically sick. I have the biggest anxiety at the moment. I had worked so hard to earn extra income from work to pay off the one bill that I have in collections. I had earned $850 from a work promo which I was waiting to be sent so I could pay off bills. Well I got the card.... waited for another bill to come out so I could make sure I had enough for everything else....went to pay the bill and now the card is no where to be found. I have detailed cleaned my room and cleaned out my car and purse trying to find it. The last place I used the card does not have it and it is not at work. I have just lost over $700 and now need to figure out how to come up with that much quick. :( Needless to say I will be trying to sell a few items, take a few back if they will be accepted, trip canceled to see my family in Logan, and I will be eating very cheap the next month or so. (Heres to hoping it helps with the weight as well...)

Freaking A!!

Our Little Sam

Our little Sam is such a trooper! I dont know how Angie and Brett keep it up. Sam ended up in the hospital last night/this very early morning around 1:00 am. Hes been in before for big asthma attacks but this time he now has pneumonia. I was able to do a lunch date and take Angie some yummy lunch and hang out for a bit. Heres to hoping he gets better quick and can go home soon with no issues. (I stole the picture from my Aunt Angie) I think they should be good with hospitals now... To much!

Best thing to feel better

Hanging out with my Aunt Angie, Uncle Brett, Sam, James, and Gabe is the best with making me feel better and a little brighter.

Bowling Bar

So ive been having issues again lately and trying to learn to be ok on my own. Not relying fully on friends and family to keep me going and happy. You never know how quickly every thing can change or how quickly you lose relationships. Its been hard for me to do but getting there, work is going to be my main focus the next bit. However one thing I do love is a couple drinks to let go and not think. Friday night candi (im glad she came with) and I hit the bowling bar. We talked most of the time and had some drinks. We had long islands, AMF, and a pineapple upside down shot (melissa bought and was delightful) melissa and Mike stopped in for a few. Then the next day (yesterday) candi and I went to dinner before I went bowling.

Bowling with friends

A couple times now we have gone amd hung out at the bowling alley with Friends. Its been fun although I have re-learned just how bad i am at bowling... All Star Lanes also has some arcades now as well and they are way fun after drinking ;)

Dog Park

Still have lots to update however today Spritz and I went to hang out at the dog park today. We visited and met up with Brock and Bella. Bella girl still rembered me and was very loving. It was great to see them together again for a few.

New Tattoo

Only took a year consideration however as of last thursday I now have the tatoo I have been wanting to get. I dont think I could have chosen one any better then the one I did. It is in loving memory of our sweet little Rachel Bug (Beyer) our purple butterfly. Its also a reminder of everything I have pushed through this past year. I dont think I have had a year with soo much change, difficulty, emotional, stressful and close calls. It also wasnt all bad I have a new position at work I love and have been able to spend alot more time with family. And the years not up- lets just hope its good things that finish it off...

Now as far as getting tatoos go it is not something I encourage for anyone. I think its a personal choice and should remain that way.. I also believe if you do get one be 100% sure what you want it is forever.. It should not be influenced at all by someone else. I chose to do it because of meaning but i was going to get one before just had to decide what meaning ment enough for me. I also believe if you dont like them then thats your choice it shouldnt make you think of someone any less because they think differently then you. I do want to Thank my family for being soo understanding when I know most of them do not condone it. It was something I was worried for and it makes me love them that much more for it.

And Thanks Cindy and Robby for coming with me last min to support me in the choice! Means alot and definatley could not have done by myself..It hurt Alot!!! But no tears for me!

Hanging out with Angie and Brett

Saturday 9-17 I had a way late start getting up and moving thanks to the hunger game series...I love to read to much sometimes. However I finally got ready and headed over to hang out with my Aunt Angie, Uncle Brett and the boys. I had alot of fun I helped Angie a little with making Gabes cake for his birthday (mostly watching her) and helped her clean Bretts office, and then a dinner date at Rubios. It was great to talk with her and just hang out.

Happy Second Birthday Gabe!!

It was our little Gabes second Birthday on saturday 9/18/2011. We did a family dinner and party at my moms and had cake and presents. It was alot of fun and I sure do love my little cousins!