I have soo much to update before so I can print off my blog for my book. I am having a hard time getting motivated to update the past events. Especially after the latest. I feel like with my mood all I am going to end up posting is negative or depressing. Its been quite a year and I am trying my hardest to get through these last few weeks of 2011. I have little motivation for anything including work. (And my Job is my second most important thing to me) Its hard to be motivated with the second most important thing to me when I feel like I am losing my first: Family/Friends.
Everyone keeps saying how strong I am and how I can get through it. But I dont feel strong, I feel numb. I feel like I am putting on a show trying to be normal around everyone else and at work and then I go home back to my room and pup feeling like I cant breath again. I may be getting through it but I dont feel like I can ever be me again, and that scares me. Apart of me misses it and wants it back but at the same time I dont feel like I care any more. Or I dont want to care any more it hurts too much. I have another very very difficult post to write and this one is going to be the hardest yet. I am hoping to have it by the end of the week. Maybe ill do it on the one month mark for the 17th. Who knows.
Anyways Ill be fine I always am, all it takes is time right? Well watch for the next updates, I will try my hardest to keep all but the dreaded one as upbeat as possible. :)
